RESPONSE TO NICHOLAS GRAY
I am an actor.
I am Lincoln Booth.
I am Austin Nichols.
Today I have three auditions in Los Angeles.
I have three different sets of clothes and shoes
in my car.
I got my hair jelly. PO made. Not Fop.
I'm a Dapper Dan Man. Three different hair
styles and three costume changes in one day.
Three appointments in three completely scattered
locations. One hour spaced between them.
In LA traffic, this amount of time is not ample.
Yell at agent later.
Throw an apple in the car. A tangerine.
A Clif Bar. Cashews. Anything in the pantry
to munch on while en route.
Wardrobe quick change, like in the theatre, except
I'm also piloting a car on the 405 freeway, nearing
77 miles-per-hour. Fast enough to not be late,
slow enough to avoid law enforcement. Change shoes
at a stop light. Throw the jeans in the back seat.
Grab the black slacks.
Oh shit, I'm not wearing underwear.
I wonder if anyone can see me.
I look to my right. Two girls in a Prius.
Both in stitches. Chuckling like hyenas.
Hybrid Hyenas. Good band name.
They can see everything God gave me.
I turn bright red. No. That's a lie. I smile.
I loved it. Nudist. Exhibitionist. I hit the gas.
They gave me a farewell honk. I wish I could meet them.
They were cute. Shit, focus. Character. Auditions.
Emotion. Starving. Eat a hard-boiled egg.
Egg shells fly out the window, land in the Blvd..
Thank you, Joan Didion.
Wait, I am Lincoln Booth. Not Cory, the jock.
Not Sam, the tortured guy. Not Brad, the boy next-door.
Wait, I am all of those. But I don't want to be right now.
I am Lincoln Booth. But I can't be.
I need to be Crosby, the record producer.
For just an hour, stay with Crosby, then you can go back to Lincoln.
I drift back to unexpected driving nudity.
What would have happened if I was driving through
West Hollywood when I had to switch trousers?
Brilliant!
Arrive at destination. No place to park. Shit, I'm late.
Drive around until someone leaves. Pull in.
Don't pay meter yet. Will pay in a second.
Quick rehearsal.
Pedestrian POV
A small Korean woman walks by my car.
Inside the car, she sees a tall, naked man,
crying and yelling intenesely into the rearview
mirror. She books it!!!
A white parking enforcement hybrid pulls in
front of my car. Angry black woman. Oh shit.
I didn't pay the meter yet. I jump out of the car
to plead my case. Shit. I'm still naked.
In the act of throwing on slacks.
No shirt or shoes. I say...
Crosby
I'm so sorry....
No...
Lincoln
I was just about to pay...
No...
Austin
(smiles wide)
Good mornin, sugar. I am so sorry. I was
just about to throw a couple quarters in your meter.
I apologize for my semi-nudity. I've had a crazy
morning. You know how it is.
Meter Maid
If you think you're gettin out of this, you are sorely
mistak... Wait a minute... Were you in The Day After Tomorrow?
I'M GONNA LET YOU OFF WITH A WARNING!!
your faithful servant,
austin nichols
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?
FOLLOW US
Comments
HAHAH, HILARIOUS!
But what did you say to her?
I just laughed - so hard !! My sides now hurt.
You are really lucky she let you off with a warning....she could have been evil and thrown you in a jail cell.
I'm guessing bare butts & jails cells aren't going to mix !!!
Anyway, try keep your butt covered - we have had quite a few stories about you Mr Nichols and your lack of clothes ;)
Take care,
Sue
I don't know Austin, we have heard of the mooning incident from Hilarie...
I mean, being seen driving without clothes once could be written off as misfortune - twice starts to look like that's how you get your kicks...:P
Nevertheless, i'm not here to judge! Many thanks for yet another intelligent and amusing post :)
Was that car an automatic? Because I could have sworn I saw you shift your stick into high gear. No wonder that small Korean woman ran away, she was afraid you were gonna ask her to help you pop your clutch!
HAHA that was hilarious. Thanks, I needed a laugh!
Much love,
Meghan
Austin!! You are Mr. Dedicated...haha.
Its so good hearing from you!
You really are a trooper flying from place to place. How do you not get Jet lag??
Love your writing style..its wonderful. You have a great sense of humor.
The whole time I was reading I was trying to picture everything in my head..haha.
You are quite the charmer aren't you!
You have a great sense of humor.
Can't wait to see what adventure happens next..haha.
Hope to hear from you soon :)
<3
Kait
Love it!! ♥
Catherine -xox-
I love that post ! Great writing !
I only have a question : Don't you be a little schizophrenic with all this ? ;D
There are some books that may help you. They were written by French writers.
Albert Camus
1)The stranger
2)The Plague
3)The Fall
Jean-Paul Sartre
1)Nausea
2)Being & Nothingness.
Good luck!!
Austin,
This was an excellent blog, one of the best that I have read. Your writing is fabulous. In addition, you have a great sense of humor.
As I was reading, I was imaging the scenes and going thru the emotions you must have been going thru, also laughing too.
I especially love these girls in the Hybrid Hyenas. I was suprised that you got out of the ticket. If she hadn't recognizened you from the movie, you did or not she wouldn't have done it. I guess, been a "public celebrity" as some of major advantages.
I'm still impress with your writing. It is superb how you use humor, describe things in detail without making the reader loose track of the story.
Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to be a writer than an actor? If not, You are a great man with multiple talents
Bon Travail
H :)
What would have happened if I was driving through West Hollywood when I had to switch trousers?
Oh I'm sure you would have had plenty of help getting them off and getting it on!
*gasp* Lucky devil! ;)
That was a great read Austin, I like your sense of humour, looking forward to more.
Is true, a lot of actors do this everyday, the auditioning that is, not sure on the nudity though... kudos to you all.
ps. I can just imagine the chanting of Hilarie's name and of stomping feet in here. No pressure really though... ;)
Brilliant. You guys all have multiple talents.
lol the glam life of an actor?
Hahaha that was some awesome reading!
K and just to add my 2 cents in but if I saw you getting changed on the highway and everything that God gave you was on display Id follow you I'd so be laughing my @ss off but Id put my foot on the pedal and become speed racer lol! ;)
By the way that last line was brilliant-"ILL LET YOU OFF WITH A WARNING"
Haha. What a crazy glimpse into the consciousness of an actor. It must be so odd to have to split your personality so many different ways in order to connect with different characters.
I also love that the police woman let you off with a warning! Haha.
Thanks for such an entertaining post Mr. Nichols!
-Christine
Wow, this blog site never fails to entertain me, that's why i keep on coming back :D and i think i believe Hilarie now for saying that the earth is drawn to Mr. Austin Nichols haha!
Keep on writing guys! and Hilarie... pressure. JOKE :P
These posts just keeps getting better. Looking forward to response #3 ☺
Austin -- I always love your blog entries. They're always hilarious and entertaining. :)
Austin, that's why the 405 is called the Four or Five Hour Freeway.
Very funny story!! Your writing style is very interesting!! Can't wait to read more from you!
I agree with everyone... Hilarie is is your turn to post something!!!!
Sonds like you had avery intresting day.. The kind of day I would love to be in.. Where was I I should of been in that prius damn.. Great story..
That was such a great read! haha Thanks so much for sharing, and good luck with your auditions!!
wow that was sooo funny. I would totally not have minded seeing you naked.
This was a great way to spend my work break. I needed a laugh to get me through the rest of the day.
Ha! You are so funny! :D
That was great, I laughed and cried a little. ahh..the life of an actor. I have some gay pals in West Hollywood that are going to be disappointed you didn't drive thru their neighborhood today. Thanks for sharing.
Haha Austin , Great post! cool writing style :)
Yh your turn Hbomb
greetz from belgium :-)(srry for the second post)
Haha... oh laughter. This was so entertaining to read.
Lucky man getting out of that ticket.
Who would have thought that the "I was in The Day After Tomorrow" card would come in handy.
Thanks for sharing.
Raquel
Your turn Hil! :)
Oh shit, I'm not wearing underwear.
I wonder if anyone can see me.
I look to my right. Two girls in a Prius.
Both in stitches. Chuckling like hyenas.
Hybrid Hyenas. Good band name.
They can see everything God gave me.
I turn bright red. No. That's a lie. I smile.
I loved it. Nudist. Exhibitionist. I hit the gas."
Hahaha! I was in tears during this part; you are truly an amazing writer, and you are witty and funny to boot.
By the way, I would totally let you get by with just a warning for being naked...scratch that, I would probably just stare, shocked. I'd probably look like a pervy, just staring at the sexy naked guy with the grin that could turn any girl into mush. Haha.
Great post!
All I have to say is...wow. This was entertaining, and I have lots of images in my head now.
What everyone else said: your turn Hilarie :-)
Neera
Wow... is all I can say! =P I, like others have said, love your writing style. Very entertaining.
Vik'e B. Jones
Thats truely awesome. Love your writing, Austin. Definitely places images in my head. Aha ;] looove it.
Just as everyone said...Hilarie, your turn!
-alyssa.
Spokane, Washington.
Wouah! I can breath now, it was hilarious and so good!
Like the other, I just can say: Hilarie, it's up to you now!
Jay
AUSTIN! I was so happy to see a blog entry from you, Mr. Oh So Dedicated.
You're writing style is phenomenal. I'm loving the truth vs. the not so true.
Absolutely amazing
I am impressed.
Hope to hear from you soon =)
Austin, you may be the most coherent ranter I've ever seen. I dig your writing. Also, Joan Didion is divine.
~Kaitlin from Boston
www.ambassadorofkwan.blogspot.com
I have no words... just images. lol.
Very entertaining!
Your beautiful wide smile should have gave the lady enough reason to not give you a ticket though. Im sure thats why you laid on the charm- calling her sugar and all.
Your day sounds pretty hectic..are most of them like this?
Thanks for posting!
What a story!
Couldn't stop laughing from the beginning to the end...And still keep the smile on my face!
Hopes ur audition goes well :)
Loved the style of ur writting, kind of crazy story but I like crazy stories!
Austin that was great...and I think we could all see that grin you gave the lady. Great and lovely writing style. Loved the Hybrid Hyenas haha ;)
Awesome job getting out of trouble. TDAT seemed like a lifetime ago, glad she remembered.
Hope you get all the parts you were going to audition for
~YT girl Amber Rae
ps. Hil, you so have to do it now. We've all spoken
I wonder what was going through that Korean womans head as she bolted... that was hilariously entertaining!! Fun, fast paced and kind of crazy! Great style, loved it!
I love it. I was laughing the whole way through. Love your writing. Good job with getting out of the ticket.
Good luck with everything.
Kim
P.S. Hilarie I feel a response coming on.
I love it!!! It is amazing, your style... I find myself chuckling with fits of laughter and slight embarassment for you, but wait you liked it... :)
Hysterical -- been there, done that. Never been caught. Although don't think I have ever done that on a highway (Boston, sorry). Giving you a ton of credit right now. Love it... love your writing and can't wait to see more of you. Well, not that way... I am talking in the movies.
Best of luck out there in LA. Hope all goes well with the auditions.
Hilarie - you have been very quiet. We are all waiting on the next post!
Nicole
Boston, MA
Austin, your life is crazy. But crazy fun. Thanks for sharing a snippet into the hustle and bustle of being an actor. Keep pressing on!
p.s. Did you you that movie with Naomi Watts? There's a scene where she does the whole actress changing in the car bit. I think you'll appreciate it. The movie is called Ellie Parker. The tagline is: "What happens when you become the person you pretend to be?"
Oh my goodness Austin, that was really entertaining! I must say ... that was one of the best examples of Stream-Of-Consciousness writing that I've seen in a very long time! You are either REALLY good at it or ... you're a little A.D.D. ~ either way ... FANTASTIC!
Nice reference to O Brother, Where Art Thou? as well :)
Smiles,
Angie
hahaha. that was great.
Hybrid Hyenas - nice.
i love your writing style!
Hilarie- it is so your turn.
love always,
Nicole T
wow ! great writing style .. glad you're ok after a car-ride in these conditions !
hil.
your turn.
Austin I love it! Hands down you are one of the most dedicated people in your craft!